You're Dead!
by Adarcoi
Summary: You can never forget the past…that’s what the suicide pact taught him. But…the past will never forget you. Yaoi, AkuRoku T /M Death of Main Character Discontinued for Rewrite
1. Home Again

You're Dead!

By: Orcadia

Home Again -Chapter One-

_For what you did to me,  
And what I'll do to you,  
You get, what everyone else gets,  
You get a lifetime  
Let's go!  
Do you remember that day when we met  
You told me this gets harder  
Well it did…_

The music was immediately ended, the pale fingers pressing into the power button, and the drone of lyrics died from the speakers. "Guess that wasn't the best thing to play…" A boy sighed, leaning back in the driver's seat.

No answer, not that he had expected one from his blonde passenger. He turned his head slightly, sending cyan eyes to glance at the boy next to him. "…Roxas…" Another sigh. He rapped his fingers impatiently on the wheel, his eyes dancing over the boy. He couldn't take the tension, as much as he wanted to admit it, he wasn't that patient.

Still not even a breath, it seemed, from the blonde, matching cerulean eyes glue forward as the scenery exploded past the car in a whir of color and motion. "I don't care if you want to admit it to yourself, Roxas," His own breathing hitched, mentally beating himself for making this so hard, "but I'm glad your back."

Finally, a sigh escaped from the blonde's pursed lips. So, he did have emotion. But there wasn't anything to follow, the car became as silent as ever, the tension building up again as the car swerved into a long drive way.

The house blended well with the background, the golden-red skyline was breathtakingly beautiful. The scenery was so serene, the swooping palm trees lined the drive of the fast approaching house, and thirteen windows glanced back, most with the curtains drawn.

Roxas' eyes scanned the face of the house, simple and elegant, it was almost an island-Italian mix. He thought he saw a pale face in the second story landing, matching blonde hair flowing in the wind. Yet, still, he spoke not one word.

The car stopped as the boy in the driver's seat taking one last glance at the blonde next to him. "Welcome home, Roxas." He gave a half-worthy smile, hoping it didn't come off as cheesy.

"This isn't home," Roxas murmured, laying a hand on the door handle, watching as the brunette driver shifted uncomfortably. "This is hell with windows."

The brunette was taken aback, this wasn't what he expected, at all. He thought the blonde would have been overjoyed to be back in a warm house, to have a clean bed, to be with his family again. "…Roxas…"

"Just shut up!" The blonde boy growled, the car door slamming in his wake. Who was he to tell him that this was supposed to be what he wanted? He was nothing without him. This boy, he didn't know what he had been through. What he had lost. A twinge of loathing emanated off him, as he strode to the door. It had been so long since he had been here, but everything seemed exactly the same.

The couch was as he remembered, the old tanned leather matching neatly next to the mahogany floor rug, the glass coffee table on top, three magazines littered the top along with a half glass of orange juice and an open copy of _The Chosen_. The fireplace was unlit, but ashes piled the bottom, sending the room into a smoky scented haze. The television was still on, an old home movie blurred across the screen. Roxas let out an angry groan, storming past the warm room and immediately towards the staircase.

The second floor was more or less a bunch of doors, but he remembered which ones were whose. The first, painted in a light blue littered with a few sketches pasted amongst photos, was Namine's, his younger sister. The second, looked as if someone had lacerated it with a knife and sharpie was scribbled into the wood, various notes to the passersby, was Cloud's, his oldest brother. The third, was just normal, easy enough to guess, was Sora's, his twin, and the brunette he had blown up on. The forth, was a deep black, posters plastered up leaving the black almost invisible to the viewer, was his own. The room he had grown up in, the room with the window he had escaped from. It seemed like so long ago, but really the two years wasn't as long as he thought, as he gripped the knob intently, his eyes scanning the empty hallway.

The room was freezing. He had personally blocked the airflow from any heat to enter his room, this was how he liked it. His room had been cleaned, someone had entered his domain. The blonde's blood boiled, he couldn't stand to have people touch his stuff. His bed was made, the scarlet sheets folded neatly against the black colored walls. He immediately fell to the sheets, smothering himself in his own scent. Something he hadn't smelt in so long. It was different then he was used to. He had become so accustomed to the normal cigarettes and violets. It was what _he_ smelled like.

Roxas closed his eyes. The dim light from the room was now eclipsed with darkness, but someone was there.

A pale face.

A glint of emerald eyes.

A flame of spikes.

"…" He reached forward. How was_ he_ here? He was… "…Axel…"

He was…

…He was…

_You're dead!  
Have you heard the news that you're dead?  
No one ever had much nice to say  
I think they never liked you anyway…_

//--\--//--\--//--\

"So…" He finally broke the silence. The kitchen was cluttered, the various mixing bowls sprawled over the island counter, vegetables and spices strung themselves around them. The tall blonde made a quick move, dashing to the ice box, and pulling it open, a sudden rush of cold air sending shivers down his body. A devious grin spread over his face.

The brunette sighed again, a detached sad sob of emotion. "Roxas hates me, Cloud." His sapphire eyes peeled themselves from the ocean outside the window, turning himself to the older boy.

"Now, Sora." Cloud gave a slight huff, pulling a box from the freezer. "You know that isn't true."

Sora had to give him that one. It wasn't his fault Roxas had run away, it wasn't his fault Roxas had ended up on the streets, he just took relief in blaming himself. He tossed his head to the table, leaving his lifeless body to lay there for a few minutes. "It…it just didn't go well, Cloud…its like he was happier out there." His voice was dripping with detestation.

"Maybe," The blonde sighed, presenting his younger brother with a blue ice cream bar, "he was."

//--\--//--\--//--\

This feeling was different. The numbness had finally subsided, and he felt…airy. His long arms were still lifeless at his sides, the black jacket he had worn to his bed still clung to his ligaments with the sweat that was trickling down his body. He opened his eyes, the emerald orbs staring to the ceiling. The bright light. It was almost blinding. How had he gotten here?

Oh yes. It was that night.

The one they had been waiting for, for so long. A bottle was still in his hands, the smooth plastic rubbing against his fingertips. He remembered.

He sat up, his body felt weak, broken. He pulled his hand up, brushing away the red hair that clung to his forehead. He brought the bottle up to eye level, gazing at the inscription. Norepinephrine. 50 milligrams per tablet. He had swallowed the whole fucking bottle! Why was he still alive?

He laughed, swooping his hand in front of his eyes. Instead, though, the hand was replaced with a pale mist, still outlining his original form. He wasn't alive. He just wasn't dead.

He remembered the last weeks perfectly, the dancing, the impurity, the loss.

_"So…Axel, I presume?" A smile pursed the lips of a taller man, his arms folded on his chest, a black coat creasing at the bend of his elbows._

_The redhead was quick to nod his reply._

_"I see, and you know why we're here, correct?" Another grin, a sparkle of the golden eyes that danced over his form._

_Axel nodded again, his gaze falling to the floor, and then to the white chairs gathered around in a close circle, one of which he was seated in._

_"Good," A slight chuckle this time as the man's tan arms dropped down into his lap. "Now, you all are different, a spark in each of you sends the world into panic. That's why we must deliver ourselves. This world was not meant for us. We are meant for the greater world. The world where we are looked over as gods." His crazed speech was sending Axel's heart into races._

_"Demyx." His voice became stern, the group that had been each seated quietly, turned to the doorway._

_He was a dirty blonde, his hair cut in a stylized mullet, ocean blue eyes gazed back at the crowd._

_"You know you're late, yes?" The older man leaned back in his chair, silvery white hair draping his shoulders._

_Demyx nodded his own eyes falling to the floor, as he stepped forward. "But, sir, I have a visitor."_

_The taller man looked intrigued, another one of his certain smiles. "Oh, really? Then please, show him in."_

_Demyx let way for a shorter boy; he looked a hell of a lot younger than the blonde in front of him. He too, had blonde hair, spiked and layered over matching cyan eyes. But he was cute, his sullen features took away from the sweetness of his persona, but the almost adorable nature of his body made up for it._

_Axel could feel his heart skip at the small boy, a feeling, was it? He hadn't felt like this in so long…was it…was it love?_

He had first set eyes on his blonde beauty, the one he wanted more than anything. His gaze turned to the room, thirteen beds had been made up, eleven other than his own were occupied. He recognized Demyx and his crazy blonde hair, but where…oh where, was his beauty?

_Wait until it fades to black  
Ride into the sunset  
would I lie to you?  
Well, I've got something to say  
Grab your six-gun from your back  
Throttle the ignition  
Would I die for you?  
Well here's your answer in spades_  
[End Chapter One

//--\--//--\--//--\

* * *

I do hope you like this…I felt as if I had to write it…at least after listening to Dead! So many times this week. But just to mention, I have no idea if Endepril was even real(which I soon changed to Norepinephrine)…I was just trying to remember what kind of medications I take…which reminds me…I haven't taken them all weekend. Lol…I'll probably go into like…a coma or something. (Just kidding.) The order of the songs I used in this chapter are as follows: This isn't a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish, Dead!, Hang 'Em High. Please review, if it's not too much to ask. sniff…Axel is dead… 


	2. Settle

Settle –Chapter Two-

_She didn't choose this role  
But she'll play it and make it sincere  
So you cry, you cry  
(Give me a break)  
But they believe it from the tears  
And the teeth right down to the blood  
At her feet  
Boys will be boys_

The time flew by, the steaming food had been layered over the cherry oak table, bowls piled with mashed potatoes, corn, sweet peas, and a few plates of spiced chicken and pork. The chairs that circled the table were all occupied, except one. The two blonde heads were bowed into the circle, yet Sora sat straight back in his chair, cerulean eyes gazing forward in a broken daze. Almost coma like, it seemed like. Mumbled words were slurred into the silence as the brunette slumped down into his seat, looking uninterestedly to the food in front of him. He didn't feel like eating. In fact, he felt sick.

The first blonde sat back, his broad shoulders leaning slightly back as his cyan eyes turned to his younger brother. "Sora?"

The brunette immediately turned towards the new voice, his thoughts finally grounded from their roaming. He said nothing, but gave his brother the full attention that he had been longing for.

The second blonde sat up, her frail pale face glancing to the elder as well, her bright eyes shining with the twilight that stone through the windows. Her sighs were eminent, slow and easy as she pulled her slender arms forward to pile small amounts of food.

"Would you check on Roxas," Cloud's voice was soft and concerned, he hadn't seen the younger blonde the entire three hours he had been home so far, and he felt somewhat estranged from him. All he wanted was to welcome him home, to at last be a family again. "please." He added it quick at the end, hoping not to seem to forward. But, Sora hadn't seemed to keen into eating at the moment any ways.

"Sure," Sora pushed himself away from the table, his chair roughly squeaking against the wood floor. His feet made contact to the cold floor, and even though he still had on a pair of navy blue socks the freezing ground made him shiver in return. The hallway was silent, making his way through the first floor, past the study and the playroom that he, Roxas and Namine had played in when they were younger, yet it had been remodeled into a drawing room for his sister. The stairs swirled over the opening of the foyer, the wooden steps covered three feet in the middle with a long ornate rug that ran up the length of the staircase. He grabbed lightly at the railing with his right hand, pulling it slowly along as he climbed to the second floor.

The final floor was booming with music, the echo beating at the walls like drums, the base of a band's droning tune. He could follow the tune, passing his own door and stopping in between Roxas' and the last of the hallway. He couldn't remember the last time this door had been opened, how many times had he passed this door in his morning routine, and not stopped to think of how it had once been occupied with someone he loved?

He stopped to think for a minute, pressing his palm to the wood, feeling the grains that meshed with his fingertips. "…De…" The music ended. Of course, his thoughts were littered into daydreams, and he made no realization of the new silence. "…De…"

"Sora?" He spun around at the silence-shattering moan of a voice.

The blonde stood in his own doorway, his shirt was off, sweat glistening on his stomach, his hair tousled. The brunette would have though he had been doing something nasty in the past few hours if his face didn't say it all. His face was lifeless, dark rings under his bright blue eyes dazedly fell on his twin.

"Roxas!" Sora flew back from the doorway, his eyes traveling over the blonde, his breath racing, he hadn't even noticed approaching footsteps. "…Uh…Cloud…he wants…you to come down to…"

"I'm not hungry." His voice was cut and simple, a monotone example of his usual drone. With that, he shut his door and left the brunette confused and alone once again to his own company.

Sora turned slowly back to the door. "Why'd you leave?" He inquired to no one in particular, yet the silence left him wondering, where in the world was _he_?

//--\\--//--\\--//--\\

Yet again the music threw itself from the blonde's speakers once again, the blaring tones drowning out any and all other music. This made him feel so alone. He dropped himself back to the ruby sheets, now drenched in his sweat of so much tossing in his thoughts. His eyes gazed at the ceiling, his breath hitched. Footsteps. He heard them coming closer.

He thought nothing of it, the normal for a house with a now four-person family.

He let the lyrics of the music drone along, they seemed to speak through him as he fingered the razor blade that dangled in his hand.

_Now come one come all to this tragic affair  
Wipe off that make-up  
What's in is despair  
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot  
You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not  
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see  
You can find out first hand what it's like to be me_

He closed his eyes once again, running his hands over the bed spread, dropping the blade in the creases of the sheets and loosing it somewhere n between reality and daydream. His hands came across something he hadn't touched in so long. A needle. He smirked internally, it had been so long since he had held this piece of his past. He could still see the reddened dots that lined his forarm, as he held it to his pale blotched skin so many years ago.

Footsteps again, this time, they were closer.

"Sora!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, yet the echo of his voice seemed so distant. "Sora, Go away! I told you I'm not hungry."

A chuckle. That made him mad. Who was that stupid brunette to laugh at him. His blood was once again boiling. "Sora! Go Awa…"

His body stopped as soon as he saw who was in front of him. His breath hitched, his body shook. He couldn't be here. He wasn't here.

He was…

"Goodevening, Roxy." His normal smirk played across his features as he grinned down, pulling the younger blonde into a tight hug.

_He_ couldn't be here._ He_ wasn't able to be _here_. _He_ was dead! "…Ax…" He choked, unable to breath. "…Ax." His eyes shut, his breathing regulated. He was out cold. His sight went black, he was finally alone again.

"_Axel_." The elder smirked, pulling his lifeless body into his arms like a bride as he set him back to the red comfortor. "Get it memorized, Roxy." He smiled, laying down next to the blonde, holding him delicatly in his arms. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so happy. The warmth of the small blonde was wonderful on his freezing skin. It smelled once again how he liked it, slightly like cinnamon and spray paint for some odd reason. But even as weird as they were, he loved every second with his beauty._ His_ Roxas.

_"Now." The group's attention was gathered once again as they sat down, and the tall tan man stood to speak. "This is not where we belong, and that is why, with the Comet Oblivion, we will make our decent into our own world." He smiled, bright pearl-white teeth rowed themselves between light peach lips. "And in our world, our godlike nature will be honored, not shunned as we have come to understand."_

_He sat back, opening himself to the crowd. "Please, present yourself, and why you are here tonight. For we all know of our extra-ordanary abilities."_

_He turned first to the long haired man next to him, he had dark black sideburns and matching eyes, his brows furrowed as he stood. "Xaldin, for the little newcoming blonde." He took a breath, glancing over the eyes that were watching him. "I control air of all things, as it seemingly drifts around you, little boy, I could kill you on the spot,"_

_Roxas bit back on his lip, he could see his distress. He could feel it. He was scared._

_The next few rose, this time an older man, his left eye covered in a rough eyepatch, and the graying streaks in his hair made him look far older than he actually was. Axel could tell from his pockets that he was well equipt with at least two pistols. "Xigbar." He grinned at Roxas this time. "I move without the eye seeing…like teleportation, I s'pose."_

_Roxas nodded, giving that he understood, this was his first time to the meeting as a full member, and Axel wanted this to be memorable for him._

_The next to stand, was a emote to what the blonde could tell. His dark gray eyes half hidden by his indigo bangs and lightly circled in black eyeliner. He looked as if he would be this lifeless even at a spring break outing. "Zexion." His voice was stern and stoid, leaking emotion already, the words seemed to suck back in when they had already escaped. "If he really needs to know, Xemnas, then he can figure out later." His last commet was dripping with malice,_

_"Now, Zexi…" Demyx spoke up this time. His voice was still nice, but it had a certain order to it._

_Zexion's cheeks immediately heated, and the redhead could help but snicker as he watched Zexion try to hide it and duck back to his seat. Demyx smiled at his achievment and watched as the next member stood._

_The forth man was older, he had bright green eyes that glanced eagerly around the room, finally stopping at the pink haired boy seated next to Axel's eye candy, He had blonde hair, the bangs pulled down in front of his ears. "Vexen." He was hard to hear, but his voice was sort of eclipsed by a head cold. "Ice." No wonder he had a cold, he probably always talked like that._

_'I could probably warm Roxy up if he ever had a cold…' The redhead snickered to himself. Oh how he just wanted to grab the blonde and hold him down right then and there._

_Roxas, in the short time that Axel had know him, was becoming his life…_

…and now, Roxas was his death as well.

_Tongue-tied and oh-so squeamish  
You never fell in love  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The ending of your life  
And if you get to Heaven  
I'll be here waiting babe  
Did you get what you deserve?_

He wanted more…

//--\--//--\--//--\

The dinner table was silent; Namine spooned quiet bits of mashed potatoes into her thin mouth. She glanced down, as her brunette brother was welcomed back to the uninteresting conversation that Namine and Cloud had been having.

Sora sighed, his breath hitching as he slumped back into his chair. "He's depressed. Far more than I can see, probably."

Depressed. That was it.

Since Roxas had left Twilight town far behind, his emotions had taken a drastic turn for the worse. Someone needed to save him.

_After all is said and done  
Climb out from the pine box  
Well I'm asking you  
'Cause she's got nothing to say  
The angels just cut out her tongue_

[End Chapter Two

//--\\--//--\\--//--\\

Well, here it is, even though I just got back from Volleyball practice, and I feel like CRAP…that's besides the point. So…many…suicide drills…drops to floor Please review? Make my hurting worth it…Still. Poor Axel… Thanks to those of you who have put my story on alert, hope this chapter is up to par. Songs are Time to Dance, The End, Dead!, and Hang 'Em High, respectivly.


	3. Callers

**Callers **–Chapter Three-

_This hole that you put me in  
Wasn't deep enough  
And I'm climbing out right now  
You're running out of places to hide from me  
When you go  
Just know that I will remember you_

Dinner had ended about an hour earlier, the three residents of the household now sat in the family room. Music was lightly drifting over the silence, silent yet beautiful lyrics that gave the calming aura of the warm room.

The taller blonde of the three was sprawled over the couch, his spikes of hair falling neatly over the pillows as his cerulean eyes drifted upwards. He sighed, the light echo of breathing making a dent into the silence. His younger brother sat at the end of the couch, his body leaning back against the footrest that sat itself in front of the furniture. His brown tufts of hair stuck up in gravity defying positions as his eyes fell on the other blonde in the room.

Namine was quiet as ever, her pencil scratching against the pad that she held delicately in her pale arms. But she could tell Sora was lost in his thoughts, his saddened eyes dancing in their sockets.

Sora's mind was racing, the pictures flew through his head like race cars, never stopping and barely making the turns. He couldn't stop thinking about that room. The one nobody had touched in four years. The one that he had remembered the second he had gotten that call. He could almost hear that ring.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Somebody had to pick it up._

_Ring._

_Someone…not him…please not him. His stress level was rising with the moments as he stared at the phone._

_Once more._

_Ring._

_He had to pick it up, Cloud and Namine were gone and he was alone. How he hated talking on the phone._

_He pulled himself down to the white plastic phone, placing his lightly tanned hand onto the top. He let out a harsh breath, quickly picking up the phone. For a sixteen-year-old, he was pretty girly._

_"Hell…Hello?" He whimpered into the receiver, tightening his grip on the phone._

_"I found him." The answer was simple, unexpected, but simple._

_Sora was dumbfounded. Was this a prank call? "Wha…Who?"_

_"Roxas, Sora. I found him."_

_He had forgotten about Roxas. The brunette had forgotten that he had run away nearly eighteen months ago. It felt so weird without him. "Where?"_

_"Twilight Town, Sora. He was in places, doing things his small body should never commit to," He never actually said it, but Sora knew what he meant. "He'll be waiting at the Sunset Inn, room thirteen, if he's not there, then I wish you well with the preparations, I cannot stop him."_

_The last sentence sent Sora into spins, what did this strange caller want, anyway?_

_"Okay…" He was wary at first, but the caller didn't seem to be joking. "Thank you."_

_"Your welcome. And Sora?"_

_"Yes?" Sora perked up in the last moment, as he leaned into the phone._

_The caller sighed on the other end, taking a long breath through his chapped lips. "This is Demyx, Sora."_

_Sora nearly gasped. "De…Demyx?" Tears streamed down his cheeks. "I…I've…missed…you…" He sniffled, wiping his arm across his face. "…Are…are you coming…home?"_

_"No." Sora could see his head shaking, his odd styled blonde hair bobbing on his pale forehead, the bright navy colored eyes blinking meekly. "I'm not coming back this time, Sora. And one thing, don't come looking for me,"_

_The line abruptly dropped. Sora was alone again. Demyx…Demyx was alive…and he was happier. But was he alone?_

"Sora. Pick up the phone." Cloud's urgent voice echoed through Sora's brain, pulling him from his though induced flashback. "Sora!"

The brunette felt the cold hand on his shoulder, scaring him nearly to death. For he hadn't even noticed that during his reality check, he had not even noticed that the light buzz of his phone had begun again, what an odd coincidence.

He pulled himself to the same white plastic phone, his eyes dancing over the caller id. Unknown. Well that didn't do a bit of good.

"Hello?" His voice was shaking, something he hadn't wanted to convey over a line.

"They found him…" The sobs on the other side were hard to make out.

Sora was beginning to sweat, how much of a flashback was he having without the added dejá vu?

"Wait…who? They found who?" Sora was stunned, his mind racing once again.

Tears must have been streaming down her cheeks, for her choked sobs barely made any breakthrough on the crackling line. "Don't play stupid, Roxas! He killed himself!" She took a light breath, but soon continued herself with the same heated conviction. "You knew it! I found your phone number in his personal belongings he left behind! God! Its all your fault he killed himself in that stupid suicide pact!"

Sora was hurt, for one, Roxas wasn't even on the phone, for another, he had no clue who this girl was or who she was talking about. "Excuse me, I don't mean to seem dark hearted, but who are you, and what in the hell are you talking about?"

"Goddamnit, Roxas, I never knew my brother fell for dumb blondes! You know exactly who I'm talking about! Axel Hikari! This is his sister! The one who gave you your brother's address in Twilight Town, Idiot." Now she was just being mean, Sora didn't even have any idea on who 'Axel Hikari' was. "Kairi Hikari! I'll be waiting for Hades himself to bring you kicking and screaming back to your maker!"

"Wait!" Sora screeched into the phone, his eyes now slits as tears streamed down his cheeks. "I'm not even Rox…"

But without even another word, the conversation ended, leaving Sora folded over on the floor, his face meshing with the beige carpet. He felt the hands fall on him, the cold palms massage his back, as he heard the wavering sighs.

The bright green eyes fell upon them, the soft glance watching them ever so cautiously. Light red spikes fell down in the way of his gaze, the pale face barely misting in with wall behind him.  
"…I…I killed myself…"

_Hip Hip Hooray for me, you talk to me, but would you kill me in my sleep?  
Lay still like the dead,  
From the razor to the rosary,  
We could lose ourselves,  
And paint these walls in pitchfork red.  
I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take,  
I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me,  
I'm taking back the life you stole!_

So, that's what it was. Humph. His light thin hand brushed across his hanging bangs. The green eyes scanned the scene.

So the police had finally found their bodies. The twelve lifeless corpses laying neatly on the clean made beds, faces front, eyes open and wandering over the finders. That was fairly quick, for the warehouse being so hidden in the midst of strip clubs and sleazy apartments.

He leaned back, noticing how riled the brunette looked kneeling in the middle of the living room, his eyes red and puffy as he cradled the phone in his shaking hands. Light clear tears melted into the carpeting. He couldn't help but laugh. How funny this scene was, that their own brother was lying in the hands of police by now, and their twin was supposed to be there, if they hadn't found him.

He stepped back, this was exactly like Roxas had looked, and his blonde hair slicked back, only then from the rain pounding to the aluminum ceiling. His tight black leather jeans making his legs look even thinner and resting neatly on his feminine hips. The mesh long sleeved top underneath his navy tank top making him look practically anorexic. His neck was layered in chokers and chained rings. How come Roxas had never seemed to be in as much pain as this scene was screaming for? Roxas had never seemed weak or even the slightest bit ungodly, he always had struck Axel as a rock, a person who just needed some time to think—sometime to count his blessings. He hadn't been deserving of the trials to come to such a realization.

_"Fuck off!" The blonde screamed, tossing one of the dark maroon colored lamps into the off-white wall, shatters of glass and pottery fell to the ground in shrouded clinks, the carpeting layered in clear puzzle pieces as the blonde held one jagged slice to his left palm._

_The redhead's mouth was agape, eyes searching for reason, as he stepped forward, enveloping the small shaking boy in his long arms. "Hush…Roxy…Please…Hush…" He soothed, rubbing small circles in the boy's back, his eyes dampened with the same tears that were pooling on his black shirt from the blonde's face._

_He needed a meaning for this. He needed reason, but the truth was—there was none._

The tall boy turned back on his heels, leaving the desperation that held the room captive, the eyes that looked as red and as sad as his own little blonde's, eyes that should have never taken that form. The hall was silent as he approached Roxas' room, there was no longer a loud blast of music and screams emitted from speakers, only the soft shallow breathing to remind him that the blonde was still alive.

_The streets were cold, colder than they had seemed walking down around midnight to meet with his girlfriend, it was a darker kind of cold, the one that hit you like a train when you were all alone. It was the forbidden part of town, the sleazy bars and strip joints, with the old men watching as scantily dressed prostitutes walked past, drawing in the scent of beer and smoke. It was the type of unbridled adventure that he wanted to experience. He didn't want to be cooped up inside his room like a bird for the rest of his life, always being told that he couldn't—wasn't allowed—because they cared about him. How thoughtful; Cloud cared. He actually fucking cared, instead of being the hard brother he tried to look like, Cloud just didn't want Roxas to take to what he was afraid to admit, afraid that the second the boy left home he'd notice that he could be the person he wanted to be. What a load of bullshit he had been fed, and he had taken it without questioning, and now he paid for it._

_"Hey kid." A short whistle from a man slouched against one of the crumbling brick buildings._

_Roxas turned his attention to the man, taking a quick look over what he looked like. He had pink hair, ruffled on the edges, making him look almost like a woman whose hair turned out after a haircut for layers. His brown eyes almost looked blue in the off-yellow color of the streetlights, his long black leather coat hung to his feet over a long form that seemed to scream child molester._

_"Yeah," Roxas muttered, stopping his pace to place his right hand on his hip, eyes shimmering with interest that someone—anyone—would talk to him._

_"Name's Marluxia." The man spoke elegantly. "I manage the Assassin down on East Oblivion and Twenty-Forth Street. I'm looking for some new faces, if you know what I mean," He winked one of his gorgeous brown eyes, sending shivers down the blonde's back, " If you're interested, you know, I think I could pay pretty well for a sexy boy like yourself, you've got the whole 'under-age' look going for you; a natural loilita!"_

_That was when Roxas felt a hand on his shoulder, a thin hand that seemed too familiar from when his parents or even Cloud would do the same._

_"That's because he is under-age." A stern voice echoed behind him, pushing Roxas behind the newcomer as he glared nails to the pink haired man._

_Demyx? Roxas stared in disbelief at the boy, his realization that this was his brother…and that he was actually alive…it was just too much.  
"Fine…Fine." Marluxia muttered, stuffing his hand into his pocket to pull out a small white card. "But—anytime you change your mind, don't forget to call, Lola."_

_Another wink as the man spun on his feet, hair waving in the wind as he retreated back down the alleyway._

_"Roxas?" This time his name was coming from the blonde-haired boy in front of him. "Roxas, what in the hell are you doing here?"_

Roxas hadn't actually made plans to visit the inner city, the place people called the World that Never Was, a world of do-but-don't-tell goings on, and the type of stuff that you had to seem mature and adult to do.

The blonde twisted in his sleep. It hadn't been the last time he had seen Marluxia, leaning against that wall, and it was all thanks to him that he had met the love of his life—his guardian angel whose envy-colored eyes were watching him as he dreamed of what would become of his life-less corpse.

_I can't understand,  
why my life is wrong,  
I just don't fit in,  
I do not belong.  
I let myself down.  
Everything is against you...  
Everyone is against you..._

/--\\--/--\\--/--\\

End Chapter Three

Well, I know it's off a bit, But I havn't worked on this story in a while, but I SHALL FINISH IT!

I just got through with a softball game, (I'm the pitcher for Fastpitch), and my arms hurt a bit. But I shall make this story the best EV-UH! Yeah! Totally!

(I'm hyper if you havn't noticed.)

TTYL!

(Click the review button...you know you want to.)


	4. Pose

Pose –Chapter Four-

The morning that Roxas woke in was just the same as the day before, but this time the surroundings were not that of the old run-down motel out in the inner city, with the red letters of a dusty black alarm blinking in the dim light filtering through the shades. He seemed to feel uncomfortable being here, even more so that being in the inner city itself, filled with its variety of whores and con men. His eyes looked a dull as ever, his mouth opening for a slow yawn as he tried to refrain from moving too much. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to die, he was supposed to die. That was where Axel was…that was why…oh god, the guilt! It was eating him alive like worm, working its way from his ruptured heart through his veins like fire. He couldn't stand it, the pain that tried to break from his skull was like the pressure of ten miles underwater. He pulled his cold palms to his forehead, pressing hard to the skin, hoping that maybe he could break from the terror growing inside his head.

"Axel…" He moaned in a pained choke as he scrambled to break his head free of the pain.

The redhead was sitting on the end of the bed, legs suddenly breaking out of their frozen position and whisking to the poor blonde. He wanted to help. He wanted to save his heart from breaking, but nothing he could do nothing to stop the pain in his Roxy's mind. Eating away at every last sane thought until it was darkness. And all at once he was back in the dark alley, watching as another pulled out a bag half-filled with nachos and corner store hot dogs.

_"Here, Roxas." Demyx smiled, handing the small boy a hot dog, and twisting a packet of ketchup over it in a bloody red stream. "I'm sure you're starving."_

_The smile was genuine as the boy took a small bite of his offered food. He really didn't want to talk about it with Demyx, he just wanted to be free._

_"So, how is Sora doing, and Namine? And Cloud?" His questions were unstopping, the glint of interest in his eyes was precious as he pulled out an off-yellow chip and bit down._

_Roxas just continued biting into the hot dog. It wasn't a very good meal, the meat was undercooked and the bun was a bit soggy, no doubt from the conditions it probably lasted in since 1920._

_Demyx continued playing his odd one-sided version of Twenty questions until the smaller blonde finally spoke._

_"Why'd you leave?" The innocent blue eyes shimmered as he watched for a reaction from the mullet-haired brother._

_The haggard sigh followed soon after, Demyx rubbing the back of his neck uneasily. "Well, Roxy, I know it sounds stupid…but at the time…well, you know how teenagers get…I…well, I'm gay."_

_Roxas wasn't in the least surprised at this announcement. "Is that why you ran away? Because you were gay?"_

_"Well…" Demyx murmured, eyes shifting to the concrete they were seated on. "There's…well…there's a somebody."_

_"A somebody? You actually found a somebody in the world that never was?" He asked, shifting position from his Indian-style-crossed legs to leaning against the wall of the nearby building._

_Demyx laughed. "Yeah." His smile was so sweet, so happy as his eyes glittered with hope. "He works at Assassin."_

_"Is that why you didn't want me to go with that guy?" His face deadpanned, standing up and wiping his hands on his jeans as he began to walk from the back of the alley. "Because you were afraid that I'd mess up your perfect free life?" The anger spilled from his body like acid and he had no idea where it came from._

_"Roxas…no I didn't…Marluxia…he's…" But there was no longer anyone there to listen to his warning, no one left to hear his pleas, and yet again, he'd lost something dear to him._

The photographs that Roxas held in between his shaking fingers were that of a dark dingy room, a small broken boy laying amidst teddy bears and blankets, his bright blue eyes that mirrored the watcher like silk, a smooth gaze that kept on hoping.

Hoping had given up long ago. It wasn't worth it to hope anymore. He hadn't felt so alone since Demyx had run away. But still—there was someone here, a presence wrapped around him like strong arms, the smooth heated breath that tickled the back of his neck as he fell to the softness of the grasp.

_He couldn't remember why he had run away from this room anymore, the more he thought about it, the more grief piled on. He was beginning to look like a ghost, darkened eyes and swollen cheeks, pale frozen skin and a soft breathing that was barley audible. But now, he was happy he had run away. He had met him and that would have been worth the world.  
Through playful lips made of yarn  
That fragile Capricorn  
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves  
I know the world's a broken bone  
But melt your headaches, call it home_

/--\\--/--\\--/--\\

Axel gazed over the cityscape, his envy colored eyes shimmering in the dimming sunlight of the twilight. It was so much more peaceful that the World that Never was. So much more alive, it was hard to think of a reason for Roxas to even want to leave this paradise. The wind blew at the perfect speed, only moving his fallen ruby spikes in a small short burst, as he took a slow deep breath. It had been a long time since he had felt so at peace, since there was such a trouble lifted off his shoulders. It was beautiful.

He didn't want to know the reason that the small blonde had entered the Organization, the whole-cult scene fix Roxas any better than it had himself. Life was weird that way, and destiny pulled their bodies in so many wrong directions in the end--there were no mistakes.

_"No, Axel." The shrill voice cut through the phone's speaker like glass on a chalkboard, even sharper than that of nails. "I'm sorry I can't help. But I have to use my left-over cash for college. You know that."_

_Axel sighed, nodding to himself, but saying nothing to the girl on the other end of the conversation, "But…Kai…I seriously need it…I mean…com'on!" He practically screamed. "I used all my cash on the last spend, and that only kept for about a week!"_

_The girl wouldn't have this excuse, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose as her brow defined into frown-lines. "No, again, Axel. Maybe…maybe this time you can go clean, you know? Sparkly-white! How about you come over to my house on Saturday? As long as you stay off the stuff, you're more than welcome to hang with me and 'ku."_

_Axel let out a long howl, pained and angry. "No! Kairi! You don't understand! It's the pain! The withdrawal! I feel like I'm going to die! I need it now!"_

_"Axel," She murmured before reaching an out of service bar as her phone went dead._

_"Damn it! Damn it all! God-damned money!" He tossed the single phone to the wall, shattering it's plastic body into shards on the floor. He heard a soft knock. The knock was common on his bedroom's door, usually coming from the supervisor of the motel to tell him to 'shut the fuck up', but this time, he knew it wasn't. "Come in."_

_Immediately as he turned and caught a sight of blonde spikes, covered over light blue eyes, shimmering with unfallen tears that threatened to rain down his cheeks, he stood there sobbing and shaking as he fell into the redhead's arms. Axel knew, maybe…just maybe…this time he could quit._

Axel's hands shifted around the syringe he had pulled from his pocket, which he threatened to throw down on the ground next to the small plastic medicine bottle and a dark dirty Polaroid picture.

_I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

_I'm shedding  
Shedding every color  
Trying to find a pigment of truth  
Beneath my skin_

/--\\--/--\\--/--\\

The clicking of keys rang shrilly through the darkened bedroom, the only light illuminating from the bright computer screen, sending the dark rings beneath Cloud's eyes to turn a multitude of colors as various pop-ups were clicked away. The tiny windows that littered the screen were really starting to get on his nerves as he tried to click them all away. But one caught his eye. It was a picture of Roxas. Well, truthfully it was a picture of Roxas amongst a group of boys. He had never seen those boys before, and they had never come around the house. But the position of the bodies…it was well, sexual. It was very odd positioning for the picture that was around his baby brother.

The thin blonde's arms were circled around a small plush animal; bows placed his hair like he was a child, giving him a deep cherubic appearance. It was to say the least, porn.

But, Roxas? Not his brother?

But then it left Cloud to think. What had Roxas been up to for the month he was gone? What had he gotten himself into?

_"Perfect…" the man purred from behind the camera. The flashes of light filling up the darkness in quick streaks as the blonde's pupils again reverted to the darkness as the light faded away._

_The man regained his full height, fluffing a tuft of peach colored hair behind his shoulder. "You know, Roxie--you look absolutely delish." He smirked, grabbing the boys butt as he walked from the camera and to the boy to position him further. "These photos will sure bust in some cash."_

_"But what about me?" Roxas spoke up in a soft voice, almost broken in the sadness of what he had come to._

_"Yes…Yes…" The man shooed as he tossed a few dollars in the boy's way. "As soon as I get these on the internet, you're sure to have that taken over, babe."_

_Roxas glanced to the dirty bills lying on the stained carpeting. "Did Yue do this before he started downstairs?"_

_"Nope, Roxie-babe." The man flipped another tuft of hair. "Yue started way off of this, you are further ahead, my little kitten." He tugged this time on a piece of Roxas' hair, which had been earlier curled into a soft bundle of blonde spikes. "And if he hadn't found your idiot brother, then god knows he'd probably be out of the biz by now."_

_The anger had finally lifted. "Idiot?" Roxas' eyes furled. "Don't you dare call Demyx an idiot. He may be sort of off sometimes, but he's far from idiotic!"_

_That was when the hand met with his face, causing the peach colored flesh to become inflamed by a reddened burst of blood to the source. "Don't use that tone of voice with me, Roxie." The man muttered, holding Roxas by his wrists, pinning the struggling boy against the dusty brick wall. "I hold the cards, babe. And whether or not you see Axel again is far from in your reach without me."_

_Roxas immediately stopped. "I'll…take more photos…" he murmured defeated, handing back the three dollar bills. "Just…promise you'll tell me where he is!"_

_"Yeah, Yeah." The man muttered again, stepping back behind the camera. "Sure, babe, but here…" a piece of black cloth was thrown in Roxas' direction. It was far to skimpy to be anything normal. "Now, put that on, and we'll try some real sexy shots."_

/--\\--/--\\--/--\\

_With eyes that make me stumble  
Somehow not speaking lets me know everything  
I go out, You eat in  
Hot from the situation  
You're naked in daylight  
Wrap yourself up and goodnight_

End Chapter Four

**A/N: Yeah, I know, this is a really short chapter, but I have two more chapters in order to finish this, and I wanted to save each of the events for both of them, but FYI, the man behind the camera is Marluxia. In my stories, he's sort of always a pervert, so I s'pose you have to get used to it. LOL. Axel is in some pretty deep waters now, but of course, you prolly aren't too sure what they are. There, my friends, lies the answer in the coming chapters. And yes. I know I used Hilary Duff lyrics. I used to listen to her all the time, and it sort of fit. Though…not really. Read and review, the faster I'll get up Chappie 5 I entitled the last two already. Five-GazeSix-Savior**


	5. Discontinued

Hello,

To those who reviewed, favorite-d and/or alerted to my story: You're Dead! (way back when…); I would like to express my utmost apologies for never finishing that story back in '08. I have however, decided to rewrite both the chapters that I have out and finally finish it, albeit with a twist in the story line a tad bit and a little added description due to my changed style. I won't be sure when I will actually be posting the story because I want to get the rewrite further before I add it to my list (which will mean I will either be changing "You're Dead" to 'complete' or taking it off completely. Thanks again, and I do hope that the rewrite does this fiction justice.

With love and passion,  
Orcadia/Adarcoi 2010

"As he took his silent retreat back into the darkness of the staircase onto the second floor landing, he wondered what it would be like if he wasn't alive at all."


End file.
